we are outta here....

after today, you can follow us on our family blog.. no reason to keep seperate ones now :) it is: www.muscatineamy.blogspot.com

woke up this morning to the phone....
a call that we were cleared to travel,
this weekend.

i spent the better part of the day on the phone with the travel agent, and arranging pick up, drop off, fill in, and travel for the kids...
nana is going to be here,
which is huge.
takes a lot of stress off.

well, we couldn't get the flights booked for saturday.
so we booked for friday.

we are leaving less than two days from now.
yikes.

if you are local, and want to send over donations with us...
we would greatly appreciate it :)
as would our agency, and the orphanages in Addis.
we are collecting:
scrubs, new or gently used
diapers (any size)
and wipes
lollipops (dum dums, or tootsie pops)
small packs of gum (like the 5 piece packs)... one of our drivers runs an org. for homeless boys, and this is what they sell on the streets
shoe polish (for the boys as well)

okay.
now for my lists.
and packing.
and putting clarah's bed together...

it's a girl :)

we received a surprise phone call today... we passed court :)
more words later... for now, our daughter.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

ditto.

didn't pass again.
same reason.

there is a chance we could pass on monday,
with a faxed copy of the needed document.
but i'm not holding my breath.

next court date:
June 8th.

i am so done with this.

didn't pass.

we didn't pass court today.

i really wasn't surprised...
but still incredibly disappointed.

we have a new court date scheduled for
May 21st.

all of our paperwork looked good, MOWA gave their letter of recommendation, her birth mother was in court, and gave her testimony...

but
her circumstances have changed since she relinquished our daughter,
so the judge is requiring an update of her file.

this means that the paperwork needs to be changed, and sealed on the local level, and then delivered to Addis, to the courts for approval.

our agency was fairly certain that 11 days was plenty of time to get these things done... so we are hopeful for the 21st.

the judge is NOT requiring a new letter from MOWA... which is super nice :)
only the update, and we are good to go.

so
a new countdown begins

the sweetest sound

i heard it.

her voice

we were blessed by a woman who traveled to Ethiopia on a missions trip,
she contacted me, and offered to take our sweet girl a package.

when she returned home,
she told me that she had a little video clip too...

we have received a few videos from those delivering packages for us before,
it is always so fun to see her moving, living.

but this time,
they asked her to say a few words...
and she did.

"thank you, mommy, daddy."

and i played it, and played it, and played it,
until i knew the sound deep in my heart.

seven.

the number of days until our court date in Ethiopia.

i am trying not to get my hopes up,
as 50 percent of families don't pass on the first try.

but it's not working very well.

they are high.
i want to pass.

the end.

court date :)

may 10, 2010

approximately fifty percent of court cases in ethiopia don't pass the first time... praying we're the other fifty percent.

first chair...

so, i have had these three chairs for years, that a friend's dad made the kids...
i had always intended on painting them,
but never did.

i was trying to avoid all responsibility the other day when it was about 85 degrees out, so i pulled one of the chairs out into the driveway and started painting it.

my kids are way too big for these now,
and we need money :) (not really sure if you heard, but we are adopting :) )
much like a home remodel, adoption costs tend to grow...

so,
if anyone wants the chair,
seventy-five bucks, and it is yours :)

it took approximately seven hours to paint... not that it probably matters to anyone but me, but it IS my blog, so i can say it if i want to. :)

sweet whispers

we have had the amazing fortune of having three families send us video of our sweet girl, when they delivered our care packages to her.
it is so amazing to be able to see her move, and watch her reactions.

one thing though,
i have yet to hear her speak.

i watch other families videos, and their kids are chatting away.
but not our daughter.

one of the families told me she speaks in whispers, almost unable to hear...

i cannot WAIT to hear those sweet whispers up close, where i have to lean in to really hear.

oh geez.

here we go again....

We are writing to inform you that a notice was posted by the Ethiopian Federal Court stating that the recent change in the court policies (put into place on March 10th) has been put on hold. The March 10th change required both prospective adoptive parents to appear in person at their court appointment in order to testify to their desire and commitment to adopt their referred child(ren). We do not know how long this change will be on hold or if/when it will be reinstated.

oh my.

i don't even know how to feel.

biometrics.. done.

steve and i got our fingerprints taken yesterday.
it took five minutes.
and now we wait for our I-171 approval.
from what i hear, iowa seems to be fairly quick at mailing these out...
but i am not holding my breath :)

change of plans

effective immediately the ethiopian high courts are now requiring both adoptive parents to be present at the first court date.

this is a big deal.
this changes things.


this means that somewhere in the next 8 weeks, steve and i will likely be in ethiopia, meeting our daughter, going to court, and leaving.

without our daughter.

this was never a part of our plan,
this extra trip for court.

and while the added costs are likely to add 7 grand to the total, that is not what makes my heart sick today.

we are leaving ethiopia without our daughter.

and won't be expected to go back for about three months.

leaving her there.

after we have met her, loved on her, told her that we are coming for her,

we have to leave.

she has already experienced so many more goodbyes in her seven years than most do in a lifetime.. and knowing that we are adding to those makes my heart ache.

read this today...

on a wonderful woman's blog who is in Ethiopia right now picking up her two girls, and delivering a care package to our daughter:


Amy Smith- I adore your little girl. She is so docile, content, and gorgeous!! I have lots to tell you about her. Send an email to my yahoo address so I can reply. You will LOVE LOVE LOVE HER.

my heart.

later this afternoon, some of my very best friends are boarding a plane to sierra leone, west africa.
i am so proud of these women.
incredible, strong, focused, and real.
their hearts long for the hurting, the widowed, the orphaned, the homeless, the unloved.
i want to be there with them,
to the point that a deep ache has formed inside my chest.
i understand why i cannot go,
i accept it,
i even know it is the right choice.. that these women are the exact people who should be going.
and i should not.
so i have spent much time examining why it hurts so much.
and i think it is because,
my heart is already lives there.

africa.

where my beautiful girl was born,
where she waits for us to bring her home.

i just want to be there,
touch the ground,
smell the air,
love the people... her people.

Eight Years Ago...

DTE

yesterday was the day.
we got the official e-mail telling us that February 25, 2010 was our Dossier to Ethiopia day :)

my eyes welled up when i read it.
so much weight lifted off of my shoulders to have the paperwork done,
but so much further to go

it was bittersweet, really.

but i am thankful.
so thankful that we are one small step closer.

trusting in this today...

Sometimes God takes us into deep waters where we lose control of the situation, and we have no choice but to fully trust in His care for us. If God chooses to take us into deep waters, it is for a reason. The greater the calling, the deeper the water. Trust in His knowledge that your deep waters are preparation to see the works of God in your life.

roller coaster

yesterday was a great day.
we finally mailed in our dossier :)
huge, huge weight lifted.

and i had been looking forward to hearing word from a friend, traveling to pick up her daughter in ethiopia. she was delivering the first care package to our sweet girl.

she was so helpful in giving me ideas on what to send, and promising me she would take lots of photos for us, and love on her, and tell her that we loved her, and are coming for her.

i was expecting word anytime.

and i got it.

her luggage never made it.
it is currently in sudan.
which means, most of it has been rifled through, and likely our package will never make it to our daughter.

there is a chance that she will get it before they leave,
but i don't think so.

and just like that, the weight is back.
i was so excited that she would finally know us, see OUR photos, hear our notes to her, and just like that, plans changed.

ugh.

third trimester

we have been in this process of adoption paperwork for six months.

if this were a pregnancy,
we would be beginning our third trimester.

when i look at it that way, it doesn't seem so bad...

however,
when i look at it from the perspective that the moment i knew we would adopt was ten years ago...
we are breaking some records here or something.

so ready to be done with this part.

state authentication...

took a little road trip
to the golden roof place :)
drove five and a half hours
for a certificate that took 30 seconds to get to me...

and i would do it again
every single day
if it meant one minute more
with my sweet girl.

good times...

so, jody agreed to list one of my paintings on her blog.. for a raffle to help bring our sweet girl home.
you can read all of the details here

relentless

as the days pass,
as the paperwork comes together,
as we get new photos of our beautiful girl,
there is a relentless gnawing in my gut.

a dull pain in my head,
continually.

i close my eyes,
to escape it..
not because i don't want it,
but rather, there are times when i just need a break

it doesn't come.
my dreams are filled with her.

her hair
her feet
her lips

i have such a relentless desire to know my daughter
every ounce of me is pursuing her

every single ounce

i suspect it is a tiny glimpse of how i am pursued

while i wait...

one of the few benefits
to having what i now know is level 3b hair,
is that i can practice twists :)

stereotyped.

I think initially, when it was clear to us that Ethiopia was where our daughter would be from, I had a difficult time shifting gears.

I had originally been so focused on West Africa, and then Rwanda, I had often told friends that the only place I wouldn't adopt from was Ethiopia.

Over the months I have really tried to explore what made me say that, and why I had such an averse reaction.

It is all based on stereotypes.
Ethiopia gets press.
They get aid.
Their government is more secure.
Tons of children are adopted from there, it must be "easy".

First of all,
as I have come to discover,
no road to and through adoption is easy.
Not one.

Second, when I did a little bit of research on Ethiopia,
I found out that a lot of what I had believed, wasn't true at all.

Here are a couple of things I read recently that really struck a chord with me:



"If aid is distributed to families, for example, one would consider the number of people in each household. Likewise, it would be unfair to treat a country of say 100 million in the same manner as a country of 5 million. By this metric, contrary to what many believe, countries such as Ethiopia with very large populations are not getting as much aid as they should. The data indicates that western economic aid is skewed in favor of smaller countries when aid per capita of recipient country is evaluated.
Ethiopia ranks 32/34, indicating that the country is severely under-aided, given its size. The average Ethiopian got just one tenth of what someone in Sam Tome & Principe received, or roughly 20% of what someone in Zambia or Namibia received."

and this:

"There are more Ethiopian doctors in Chicago, than there are in Ethiopia."

The bottom line for us,
for our family,
is that we wanted to go where our daughter was waiting.
And that led us to Ethiopia.

Ethiopia is now in my blood,
my roots are there,
and much like the United States, I feel a fierce loyalty to Her.

and today...

today as i was reading through some blogs,
five of my children home,
ice storm happening,
i read this:

"I have found that the line between fighting fiercely for justice and maintaining a patient, humble, God-centered perspective to be difficult at times."

um, yah.
no kidding.
living in that space.

referral.

we have it.
our official referral is sitting in my inbox...
along with new photos of our beautiful girl.

she is amazing.
and perfect.
and has the biggest smile i have ever seen.

today,
amidst the tragedy in Haiti,
we have hope...
147 million minus 1.

--

i realized today, after reading through old posts,
that i have become so clinical in my posting.

i spew out facts,
and leave out the gritty emotions,
the details of my heart.

they are still there...
and i have yet to determine why i somehow believe that if i don't type them out, they won't be there, that i won't be so vulnerable.

i long for my daughter...
i cannot imagine the devastation i would feel if something fell through again.
it is a joke to believe that i have guarded my heart,
i haven't.

and that is okay.
because i don't know how to do that.

i wouldn't be staying true to myself if i did.
so there you have it.
i am deeply in love with a little girl in ethiopia.
deeply.
completely.
whole heartily.
forever.

movement

so today,
after many weeks, months, in fact,
we received our completed and notarized home study...
which meant that i could also send in our I-600A.

so i did,
before lunch even.

and even though we are now on to yet another stage of waiting, another stage of relying on someone other than ourselves to come through with paperwork,
somehow i feel renewed.

like even this small step,
is enough, for now.

that is something, for sure.

indeed.

"All our progress is an unfolding, like a vegetable bud. You have first an instinct, then an opinion, then a knowledge as the plant has root, bud, and fruit. Trust the instinct to the end, though you can render no reason."

Ralph Waldo Emerson