sweet whispers

we have had the amazing fortune of having three families send us video of our sweet girl, when they delivered our care packages to her.
it is so amazing to be able to see her move, and watch her reactions.

one thing though,
i have yet to hear her speak.

i watch other families videos, and their kids are chatting away.
but not our daughter.

one of the families told me she speaks in whispers, almost unable to hear...

i cannot WAIT to hear those sweet whispers up close, where i have to lean in to really hear.

oh geez.

here we go again....

We are writing to inform you that a notice was posted by the Ethiopian Federal Court stating that the recent change in the court policies (put into place on March 10th) has been put on hold. The March 10th change required both prospective adoptive parents to appear in person at their court appointment in order to testify to their desire and commitment to adopt their referred child(ren). We do not know how long this change will be on hold or if/when it will be reinstated.

oh my.

i don't even know how to feel.

biometrics.. done.

steve and i got our fingerprints taken yesterday.
it took five minutes.
and now we wait for our I-171 approval.
from what i hear, iowa seems to be fairly quick at mailing these out...
but i am not holding my breath :)

change of plans

effective immediately the ethiopian high courts are now requiring both adoptive parents to be present at the first court date.

this is a big deal.
this changes things.


this means that somewhere in the next 8 weeks, steve and i will likely be in ethiopia, meeting our daughter, going to court, and leaving.

without our daughter.

this was never a part of our plan,
this extra trip for court.

and while the added costs are likely to add 7 grand to the total, that is not what makes my heart sick today.

we are leaving ethiopia without our daughter.

and won't be expected to go back for about three months.

leaving her there.

after we have met her, loved on her, told her that we are coming for her,

we have to leave.

she has already experienced so many more goodbyes in her seven years than most do in a lifetime.. and knowing that we are adding to those makes my heart ache.

read this today...

on a wonderful woman's blog who is in Ethiopia right now picking up her two girls, and delivering a care package to our daughter:


Amy Smith- I adore your little girl. She is so docile, content, and gorgeous!! I have lots to tell you about her. Send an email to my yahoo address so I can reply. You will LOVE LOVE LOVE HER.

my heart.

later this afternoon, some of my very best friends are boarding a plane to sierra leone, west africa.
i am so proud of these women.
incredible, strong, focused, and real.
their hearts long for the hurting, the widowed, the orphaned, the homeless, the unloved.
i want to be there with them,
to the point that a deep ache has formed inside my chest.
i understand why i cannot go,
i accept it,
i even know it is the right choice.. that these women are the exact people who should be going.
and i should not.
so i have spent much time examining why it hurts so much.
and i think it is because,
my heart is already lives there.

africa.

where my beautiful girl was born,
where she waits for us to bring her home.

i just want to be there,
touch the ground,
smell the air,
love the people... her people.

Eight Years Ago...

DTE

yesterday was the day.
we got the official e-mail telling us that February 25, 2010 was our Dossier to Ethiopia day :)

my eyes welled up when i read it.
so much weight lifted off of my shoulders to have the paperwork done,
but so much further to go

it was bittersweet, really.

but i am thankful.
so thankful that we are one small step closer.

trusting in this today...

Sometimes God takes us into deep waters where we lose control of the situation, and we have no choice but to fully trust in His care for us. If God chooses to take us into deep waters, it is for a reason. The greater the calling, the deeper the water. Trust in His knowledge that your deep waters are preparation to see the works of God in your life.

roller coaster

yesterday was a great day.
we finally mailed in our dossier :)
huge, huge weight lifted.

and i had been looking forward to hearing word from a friend, traveling to pick up her daughter in ethiopia. she was delivering the first care package to our sweet girl.

she was so helpful in giving me ideas on what to send, and promising me she would take lots of photos for us, and love on her, and tell her that we loved her, and are coming for her.

i was expecting word anytime.

and i got it.

her luggage never made it.
it is currently in sudan.
which means, most of it has been rifled through, and likely our package will never make it to our daughter.

there is a chance that she will get it before they leave,
but i don't think so.

and just like that, the weight is back.
i was so excited that she would finally know us, see OUR photos, hear our notes to her, and just like that, plans changed.

ugh.