it's late

it's late
and i just finished stacks of papers.
searched through google to find old addresses.
and it wasn't nine places.
it was twelve.

my eyes hurt.
my hands hurt.

but more than that
my heart hurts.

having one of those nights
where i just want to hold my little girl.

finding it so difficult
to remain focused on the stuff
when what i want is her.

and i don't even know how to put it into words.

i feel like i am going to break down
like the tears are so close to the surface
at any moment
i could explode
or implode

feeling inadequate and ill prepared
uneducated at the very best

but what i do feel
is certainty

i know, beyond all knowing
that this is exactly where i am supposed to be