while i wait...

one of the few benefits
to having what i now know is level 3b hair,
is that i can practice twists :)

stereotyped.

I think initially, when it was clear to us that Ethiopia was where our daughter would be from, I had a difficult time shifting gears.

I had originally been so focused on West Africa, and then Rwanda, I had often told friends that the only place I wouldn't adopt from was Ethiopia.

Over the months I have really tried to explore what made me say that, and why I had such an averse reaction.

It is all based on stereotypes.
Ethiopia gets press.
They get aid.
Their government is more secure.
Tons of children are adopted from there, it must be "easy".

First of all,
as I have come to discover,
no road to and through adoption is easy.
Not one.

Second, when I did a little bit of research on Ethiopia,
I found out that a lot of what I had believed, wasn't true at all.

Here are a couple of things I read recently that really struck a chord with me:



"If aid is distributed to families, for example, one would consider the number of people in each household. Likewise, it would be unfair to treat a country of say 100 million in the same manner as a country of 5 million. By this metric, contrary to what many believe, countries such as Ethiopia with very large populations are not getting as much aid as they should. The data indicates that western economic aid is skewed in favor of smaller countries when aid per capita of recipient country is evaluated.
Ethiopia ranks 32/34, indicating that the country is severely under-aided, given its size. The average Ethiopian got just one tenth of what someone in Sam Tome & Principe received, or roughly 20% of what someone in Zambia or Namibia received."

and this:

"There are more Ethiopian doctors in Chicago, than there are in Ethiopia."

The bottom line for us,
for our family,
is that we wanted to go where our daughter was waiting.
And that led us to Ethiopia.

Ethiopia is now in my blood,
my roots are there,
and much like the United States, I feel a fierce loyalty to Her.

and today...

today as i was reading through some blogs,
five of my children home,
ice storm happening,
i read this:

"I have found that the line between fighting fiercely for justice and maintaining a patient, humble, God-centered perspective to be difficult at times."

um, yah.
no kidding.
living in that space.

referral.

we have it.
our official referral is sitting in my inbox...
along with new photos of our beautiful girl.

she is amazing.
and perfect.
and has the biggest smile i have ever seen.

today,
amidst the tragedy in Haiti,
we have hope...
147 million minus 1.

--

i realized today, after reading through old posts,
that i have become so clinical in my posting.

i spew out facts,
and leave out the gritty emotions,
the details of my heart.

they are still there...
and i have yet to determine why i somehow believe that if i don't type them out, they won't be there, that i won't be so vulnerable.

i long for my daughter...
i cannot imagine the devastation i would feel if something fell through again.
it is a joke to believe that i have guarded my heart,
i haven't.

and that is okay.
because i don't know how to do that.

i wouldn't be staying true to myself if i did.
so there you have it.
i am deeply in love with a little girl in ethiopia.
deeply.
completely.
whole heartily.
forever.

movement

so today,
after many weeks, months, in fact,
we received our completed and notarized home study...
which meant that i could also send in our I-600A.

so i did,
before lunch even.

and even though we are now on to yet another stage of waiting, another stage of relying on someone other than ourselves to come through with paperwork,
somehow i feel renewed.

like even this small step,
is enough, for now.

that is something, for sure.

indeed.

"All our progress is an unfolding, like a vegetable bud. You have first an instinct, then an opinion, then a knowledge as the plant has root, bud, and fruit. Trust the instinct to the end, though you can render no reason."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

a go.

we are home study approved.
and we have in our possession, the file of a little girl. :)

i can't share any information,
until we pass court in Ethiopia,
so it will be awhile..
but trust me when i say,
she is perfect.
completely perfect.

now..
because we are doing things a bit backwards,
we have to submit our I-600,
AND submit our dossier before we get approval back on that.
with the hope being,
if everything is in, and complete, we will just have to be fingerprinted, and then we can send everything over to Ethiopia.

and because we will receive her referral
as soon as our dossier is in,
that means a HUGE chunk of the cost is going to come all at once,
instead of spread out between a number of months,
like many adoptions.

not sure how that is going to happen.
just praying, and trusting that it will all work out.

so happy right now.
mixed with awe,
sorrow,
thanksgiving,
grace,
and mercy.

almost.

having a few frustrating days.

last friday we got conformation that our home study was complete.

so monday, it was faxed to our family coordinator.
and monday night,
she informed me that she needed more documents.

okay.

i can do that.
faxed them this morning.

and still....
we wait.

ugh.

it is so difficult, because i know the file of our potential daughter sits on her desk... waiting as well.

the sense of urgency is somehow not there for them,
as it is for me, and i get that.

but it frustrates me.

fragile heart

i read something today that brought me to tears.
a judge, who was presiding over an adoption hearing in el salvador,
said these words to the adopting family:

"These children were not orphaned for nothing.
It was destined that they would become a part of your family."

my heart aches to know our daughter,
to assure her that we are her family,
that she wasn't orphaned for nothing.
that although we are plan b, we are still god's plan.
and that we will spend the rest of our lives loving her
for her birth mom and dad who can't.

143 million children were not orphaned for nothing.

there is meaning in their lives, to their lives, and for their lives.

all one hundred and forty three million of them.